"How can I get my wife to have sex with me more often"?

This is the question that I saw posed in an online forum. It’s not the first time that I’ve seen a post like this. It’s amazing how a man who wants a more passionate relationship with his wife, the love of his life (his words), went online to ask a group of strangers how to achieve this goal. What’s more amazing is the advice he received.

Here are some of the paraphrased replies:

 

• Do housework and she’ll be happy enough to have sex with you.
• Take her to an expensive restaurant and buy her flowers.
• Buy her jewelry or take her shopping.
• Talk about sex more so she’ll know you’re thinking about it.
• Take her on a trip without the kids.
• Tell her you’ll find someone else if she doesn’t satisfy you.
• Get her to watch porn with you.

 Needless to say, all of these answers were horrible – especially the last two. Don’t get me wrong, a dinner date and flowers have their place for a couple who enjoys going to dinner and a woman who likes flowers. However, who knows if this man’s wife likes either. No children were mentioned in his question so who knows if a trip without kids is relevant. Introducing pornography certainly doesn’t have a place in increasing passion in marriage.

I’m sure those who posted replies had the best intentions. I’m sure they may have suggested what has worked for them in the past. However, without proper knowledge of the couple’s specific situation, these answers are little more than manipulative tactics that will not facilitate long-term transformation in the marriage.

The only person qualified to answer this gentleman’s question is his wife. For all we know, she may not even know that he is unsatisfied sexually. Open and honest communication is what’s needed to ensure intimacy in marriage. Couples have 0% chance of resolving marital issues that are not being discussed.

I understand that our digital society has created new ways for us to communicate with people from many parts of the world. But, let’s not forget that a good old fashioned heart to heart talk with your spouse is the best way for the two of you to know what the other is thinking – not relying on the advice of strangers.

If you think your buddies in the online group know you and care more about you than your spouse you might want to unplug for a bit. People change over time. Get to know the love of your life again and let her get to know you. That’s the only way you’ll fall in love again and have the transformation that you desire in your marriage.